A Review of Conan

If you haven’t read any of Robert E. Howard’s original Conan stories, you owe it to yourself to do so. You can find them in anthologies of their own or in anthologies of Mr. Howard’s other works. There are also some comics out there, and from what I’ve seen they’re pretty decent too. I’m even a fan of the old movies starring Arnold. I suppose you could then say that I’m the target audience for this game, and I’ve been eyeballing it for quite some time, but only picked it up recently as an impulse buy for $20.

I think the best way to qualify this game is to explain that it’s made by THQ. I say this because THQ has a bit of a history releasing what I would call solid ‘B’ games. I don’t have any problem with that, but I think it’s fair to know what to expect on your way in.

Many reviews pointed out that Conan was a God of War knockoff, but since I have never played God of War and do not foresee myself buying/borrowing a Playstation to do so, this seems an adequate Xbox alternative. The third-person game moves from arena to arena in each stage, affording you with wave after wave of enemies to kill. Occasionally you have to solve a puzzle or kill a boss with the assistance of quick-time-events, and that’s something I like. They don’t feel overdone and add more than just “Press X to open doors.”

The writing isn’t terrible, but it doesn’t stand up to Howard’s moulding of the character. Ron Pearlman’s voicing is bang on, and it’s clear that they put forth an effort to try and bring out some of the character’s more enjoyable attributes. There’s sex (the naked maidens you rescue are a nice touch) and he refers to opponents as dogs frequently, but the actual narrative it follows is not what I would call ‘essentially hyborian’. However, it is worth noting that this is better than the films, where the wit of the character is often clouded by an absence of dialogue.

Graphically, this game is okay. It doesn’t feel particularly next-gen or shiny, but it’s good enough (as I expect from most THQ games). Despite the fact that your enemies are similar (pole-axe vs. spear vs. large sword), each stage has its own style, giving you a slightly different feel for who you’re cleaving in two. These are some of the best looking parts: you get some pretty cool animations of the damage being inflicted. Once I even had a glitch that left a guy’s intestine hanging in the air after his corpse had been dispatched.

The combat is really where this game shines. There are tons of moves which are made cooler by tons of weapons. The variety of swords, shields, and long weapons you can wield is awesome, not to mention the various combinations. There’s an upgrade system which allows you to purchase more elaborate moves, and you will want to take the time to master them in order to get the bonuses later in the game. The only hole is that later in the game the combat can become frustrating. All the cool combos in the world don’t mean squat when the enemies can counter before you even get started. I actually still haven’t finished the final boss off, not even defeating his first form (of a reported six) once in the last week. Given the fact that statistically few gamers play their games through to completion, it would appear that either the last bit fell through quality assurance or they decided to ramp up the difficulty for the hardcore few who followed through to the end.

Bottom Line:
Buy if: You want to turn your brain off for a bit and tear up some faceless enemies. You’ve got to like QTE’s and hack-and-slash games, but at a low price it could be a few hours of solid fun.
Rent if: Can’t really think of who should rent this. If you’d like it enough to pay for a rental you should probably buy a copy.
Pass if: You’re expecting something exceptional in any respect. This game is one that you need to accept on its own merits as something simple and fun.